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state OF THE aaaaaaaaaaaart). Revised thesis : The many scandals of Hoover's administration revealed basic problems with the Republican Party's nominating process. Be as clear and as specific as possible; avoid vague words. Correct : By treating their.S. The pornographic violence in "bloodbath" slasher movies degrades both men and women. A slide is projected on a screen behind the sword-reading woman, reading "The evolution of threat defence in mammals". They need to be refined. It signals a writer who has intelligence, commitment, and enthusiasm. Original : Society.
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Revised thesis : If the government takes over industry in Kenya, the industry will become more efficient. Who is this "society" and what exactly is it doing? Avoid formula and generic words. The best thesis defence is a good thesis offence. A thesis statement focuses your ideas into one or two sentences. Would a subordinating conjunction help (i.e. Do not expect to come up with a fully formulated thesis statement before you have finished writing the paper. Check to see if you need to define your terms (socialism "conventional "commercialism "society and then decide on the most appropriate place to.
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